Blane is ONE MONTH WOW

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 I can not believe that Blane is ONE MONTH already!!!! Where does the time go? We are going to bless him on September 5th one day shy of him being 2 months.  I have been thinking a lot of about him and truly how blessed I am to have him. I know sometimes being a mother can take a toll on a person and yes it is the hardest job on the planet.  We wear so many different hats: chef,playmate,accountant, maid,chauffeur,wife,sister,daughter,etc.that some days we lose ourselves.  I know that some days I want just 5 minutes of me time to do what I want.  Then recently a few events have taken place that reassured to me of my role as a mother.  How divine the calling truly is and my calling as a mother is ETERNAL! Two families that I don't know personally have lost their babies, one was three months old, the other 2 hours. The three month old lost his life to SIDS she put him down for a nap and she went to check on him and he suffocated in his sleep.    The one that lived just for two hours worked with my younger brother at his hotel, they are married in the temple and tried for 5 months to get pregnant, finally they got pregnant.  They were going to have their first baby girl two weeks after Blane arrived.  Then one Friday this young women went to the Dr because she was not feeling the baby move.  They end up taken the baby via emergency C section and she was not breathing, they revive her and those sweet parents get TWO TWO hours of to see their daughter alive, she passed away right after.  OH how sweet those two hours must of been.  The other night as Blane was a bit fussy and I got a little worn down, I looked down at him and thought how grateful I should be why do I complain when some nights get hard.  I know both those mothers wish they could hear the cry of their babies, the warmth of their skin, the smell of them and yearning for those lost years. I think about Blane and his middle name Ryan, he was named after his uncle.  Craig lost a brother, He was my in-laws first child and yes a darling BOY!!  He lived for only eight hours.  We have talked about Ryan with my in laws, how hard it was.  I could only imagine the pain that all this mothers feel, the coming home to empty cribs, no crys, sleepless nights not due to feedings but sobs from a broken heart.  I am so privileged to be given Blane the middle name of Ryan, how exciting it will be when this life is over and I will have to chance to be in his presence.  How blessed I am to have the gospel that seals families forever, where babies are brought back to HIM.  On my cousin's grave who died as an infant bears her name and underneath a simple but beautiful phrase " The crown without the conflict"  how true is that.  Some mothers my feel unappreciated, worn down , and has a list of things they wish they should of done before the kids had come.  Push it aside and live in the present.  Not the past.  Discover the world with your children, see the world has they see it.  There is  a poem I have and keep it where I can read it especially on hard days 
The title
IF I HAD MY CHILD TO RAISE OVER AGAIN
If I had my child to raise over again,
I'd finger paint more and point the finger less.
I'd do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less and know to care more.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I'd run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging and less tugging.
I would be firm less often and affirm much more.
I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I'd teach less about the love of power and more about the power of love.
Diane Loomans.


I am so grateful for 3 healthy children, I am grateful for the hard days and the sleepless nights.  For runny noses, and dirty faces.  I am grateful for days where there is crying.  I am grateful to be a MOTHER.